THE VEX FACTOR – Two Fingers To Signers! Why they are destroying my TV experience.

Dearly Beloved,

This week, the Vexorcist is REALLY upset! I know it’s a hard thing to believe, but yours truly has a bone to pick with deaf people. Deaf people? Yes. Deaf people. Why? Because they’re RUINING my television viewing experience. Well, how do they do this you may ask? Have you ever watched anything on the box past 1am? No? Well, let me drop some knowledge to the masses. If you’re ever awake in the early hours of the morning and decide to view the wondrous pieces of programming that television has to offer, you will find something quite alarming. If you do stay up past a certain time, you will be introduced to a bizarre sight which consists of overweight, middle-aged people that resemble feet!
So what are these ‘feet-looking’ people doing you may ask? Since you asked so politely, I will explain! These so called individuals are signing. Signing?! Yeah, signing. These people are doing sign language on practically every channel out there. These people are wrong. It’s a moral outrage to be forced to watch them as they are very distracting! Especially when they sign reggae or rap videos and incorporate dance moves that make them look like they’re having epileptic fits. But why complain Mr Vex? Why be so harsh?
Deaf people needs these people. Deaf people deserve to understand and appreciate the complexieties of television just as much as the ones that can hear. I agree. That is fair, that is right. However, the current situation concerning signed programmes leads yours truly to have assumptions about deaf people. Yup, you heard right! The Vexorcist has assumptions about deaf people. Want to hear? Of course you do.
Well, by using my deductive skills and logic, Mr Malcolm Vex has concluded the following with regards to deaf people (Note: this is ONLY based on their TV viewing habits). The first thing that one can deduce about deaf people is that they are ALL unemployed! Every one of them! Why? Simple. The majority of television output for deaf people seems to be through the night. This is suspicious. Why do deaf people dem NEED to watch television at these times instead of normal times like the rest of us? It is not normal. It is not right. So therefore one can safely assume that ALL deaf people dem are jobless.
The second thing that we can presume about deaf people is that they have a lower intellect than the average person. Now I know that’s a very controversial ting to say, but look at the facts. The only programme that tends to be signed in the daytime is the Hollyoaks omnibus. Hollyoaks? Deaf people love off Hollyoaks? What the blud-fire?!! Isn’t the average IQ level for a Hollyoaks viewer pretty much the same as their shoe size? Enough is enough! It’s time for the government to focus their energies on these unemployed, deaf Hollyoaks viewers! They have to be saved. Deaf people need help to get through certain lowpoints in their lives. It is time that David Cameron pulls his finger out and get them jobs! With the right focus, they won’t need to stay up and ruin my television viewing anymore. And in the end, isn’t that what we all TRULY want? For me to be happy?! Convinced? Yes iyah.

Never yours,

Malcolm Vex

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One thought on “THE VEX FACTOR – Two Fingers To Signers! Why they are destroying my TV experience.

  1. All you need is an option button like they do for subtitles, to choose whether you want a signer at the bottom of your screen or not. They send space probes to mars so surely someone can rustle up such a device.

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